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Parshat Chayei Sarah
2005
It is Good to Show Your Appreciation
This week's portion, Chayeh Sarah, begins with the sad news of Sarah's death. We read on to find that Abraham goes to great lengths to secure a burial plot for Sarah, one final act of appreciation for the woman who did so much for him. If we review the last few weeks' Torah portions, we can rattle off a whole list of wonderful things that Sarah did for Abraham. Sarah left her home and got handed over to Pharaoh as Abraham's sister. Sarah understood Abraham's need for progeny so she gave Abraham Hagar, her servant, as a wife. Then Sarah gets passed off again as Abraham's sister, this time to Abimelech. Throughout all of these stories we do not see too many tender moments between Abraham and Sarah. In fact, the one romantic line that we hear is when Abraham says to Sarah, "Now I know that you are a beautiful woman," which is followed by, "So you'd better tell 'em you're my sister."
I realize that these acts of omission may be simply because the language of the Bible is terse. However, it seems to me that if there was room in the Bible to include the times that they laughed at each other about how old the other one was, that there may have been room for Abraham to show his wife some appreciation. It is only here when we read in Genesis 23:2 that Abraham came "to eulogize Sarah and to cry over her" that we see Abraham showing emotion toward Sarah. We may even ask that if Sarah is no longer alive, does this count? I would argue that it does since we find in the Babylonian Talmud in Sanhedrin 46b that the question is asked whether eulogies serve the living or the dead. Our very case here in Chayeh Sarah is brought as a prooftext to indicate that Sarah was pleased by the eulogy.
This reading of Sarah and Abraham's life got me to thinking that we often don't show the people we love the appreciation they deserve. How often do we tell our spouses, significant others, parents, children, students or friends that we love them? How often do we tell them that we appreciate them? If you aren't sure, think about how often you hear from them that you are appreciated and loved.
This is something we can work on. It is important to our relationships and to the happiness of those we love to find ways to express our appreciation. Our tradition gives us different ideas of ways we can show this kind of appreciation to our loved ones. The best examples of this come from the rituals at the Shabbat table. There is a ritual for blessing children, and this is a way to show our children how much we love them. There is the ritual of singing Eyshet Chayil, where a husband can express his appreciation of his wife. More and more Shabbat tables include songs that a wife can sing back to her husband or partners to each other. There are also developing blessings and songs for children to say to their parents, and we here in Hillel can develop blessings for our students and professionals.
It is clear that a few Shabbat table rituals are only the beginning. However, sometimes it is hard to find ways to express our feelings and it is important to take the opportunities we have (and they are too few) to express ourselves.
Personally, I find great meaning in singing Eyshet Chayil to my wife, Rachel. I am not a poet, and having the traditional words allows me to communicate more eloquently than I could on my own. In Midrash Hagadol on this week's parsha we find a teaching in Sarah's memory. It equates each verse of Eyshet Chayil with a woman of the Bible. That means that when I sing Eyshet Chayil on Friday night, not only are we saying, "I think you're great," we celebrate the person to whom we are singing by comparing them to every great woman of the Bible.
I am also excited because this week we have a child, our newborn son, to bless on Shabbat. However, you don't need to be married or have a kid on the way to connect to the importance of this teaching. This weekend many of us will gather with family and friends for Thanksgiving. We need to be aware of this opportunity to let people know that we love them and appreciate them, and we should be careful not to let it pass us by. It is essential to the health and endurance of our relationships to express ourselves in ways that let people know how much we care.
Our secular calendar is sensitive to this in giving us a national holiday designed to give us the chance to show our thanks. Our Jewish calendar is sensitive to this in giving us the opportunity and the means to share these feelings every Shabbat. Let's learn from the silence of Abraham that we need to be sure that those we love know it, and if we are lucky, we will be blessed to hear it in return.
Prepared by Rabbi David Levy, director of Jewish education, Syracuse University Hillel
Learn More
Additional commentaries and text studies on Parshat Chayei Sarah at MyJewishLearning.com.
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