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Parshat Vayishlach
2004
Asking (and Praying) for Forgiveness
Last week, the father of the Jewish people, Jacob, messed up big time. He schemed with his mother and deceived his father to get his brother's first-born birthright. Then he ran away, met Laban, fell in love with Rachel, worked for seven years, married Leah by mistake, worked another seven years and finally married Rachel. When we meet Jacob this week in Parshat Vayishlach, he is living with his father-in-law, Laban, his wives, Rachel and Leah, their 13 children and a large camp of servants and animals.
At the beginning of this week's parsha, Jacob is about to return to his homeland to see his brother for the first time in many years. Naturally, he is scared to see Esau, as it was his brother's birthright that caused Jacob's departure. He becomes more frightened when he hears that his brother will be meeting him with 400 men. He is so terrified that he splits his camp into two parts, separating his flocks, herds, camels, servants, children and wives so that in case Esau were to attack him, he would only lose half of his possessions. Then Jacob begins to pray:
"O God of my father Abraham and God of my father Isaac, O Lord, who has said to me, 'Return to your native land and I will deal bountifully with you' - Deliver me, I pray, from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau; else, I fear, he may come and strike me down, mothers and children alike. Yet You have said, 'I will deal bountifully with you and make your offspring as the sands of the sea, which are too numerous to count.'" (Gen. 32:10-13)
Why does Jacob pray so fervently when he knows that he did something wrong? He knowingly and maliciously stole Esau's birthright - what right does he have to beg God for help? What kind of behavior is this from our patriarch and leader of the Israelites?
Jacob's actions are not unusual. How many times do we knowingly and willingly leave things to the last minute and then ask God for special help at the 11th hour? As a Steinhardt JCSC Fellow, it always amuses me to see my students walk into Hillel looking for a blessing for an exam they didn't study for or a paper they didn't finish. Can God really solve a problem that we did not work to solve ourselves? When asking for forgiveness, can we count on God if we don't count on ourselves?
Jacob's story can teach us an important lesson when it comes to asking for forgiveness. One cannot simply pray without personal action. Jacob, along with his fervent prayer to God, also plans for his meeting with Esau. He prepares for the reunion by sending men ahead and dividing his camp in half. He does not depend on God alone to save him from his own mess; rather, he plans the best he can and puts his faith in God. He also personally apologizes to his brother, offering gifts and falling at his feet. When we ask for forgiveness from another person, we must first do the hard work of apologizing and asking for forgiveness. Only once we have done that work can we ask for help from God. But no matter what we've done, and no matter how long it's been, we always can pray for a little extra help and eventually be forgiven.
Prepared by Karen Perolman, Steinhardt JCSC Fellow, Rutgers University Hillel.
Learn More
Additional commentaries and text studies on Parshat Vayishlach at MyJewishLearning.com.
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