Showing Up For Someone You Love After a Crisis
When someone you care about experiences a crisis, it can be challenging to know how to help. You might feel relief, confusion, gratitude, frustration, or even fear — and so might they. They don’t need you to have the perfect words. They need you to show up gently, consistently, and with care.
What They Might Be Experiencing
Coming home after a crisis can bring up:
Combined with guilt about leaving others behind.
Like no one at home really “gets it.”
Mourning the loss of loved ones or the loss of an important experience.
Moving too fast from crisis to “normal.”
Physical, mental, emotional overwhelm or burnout.
Being constantly on alert, checking news, or startling easily.
Even from people they love.
Missing out on an experience they had been looking forward to.
They may not know how to explain their feelings, and need space to sort through them.
How to Show Up
Stay Grounded in Your Role as Supporter
You may be holding worry, fear, or sadness. When you get support elsewhere, you honor their experience as theirs and give them space to adjust on their terms. Instead of saying, “Are you okay?” or “I’ve been so worried.” Try:
- “I’m so glad you’re home. I’ve been thinking about you”
- “There’s no pressure to talk — I’m just here”
- “Whatever you’re feeling is allowed. I’m not going anywhere”
- “You’re home now. I’m here to support you while you adjust”
How to Show Up
Offer Practical Support
Let them set the tone for sharing, socializing, and re-engaging. You can help by:
- Cooking a familiar meal or handling specific errands
- Offering gentle check-ins without expecting responses
- Including them in plans while making it easy to decline
- Protecting their privacy – don’t share their story without permission
- Respect their boundaries, and offer flexibility as possible
Jewish Wisdom for Support
שמעתי Shamati — “I heard you.” In Jewish tradition, this simple response acknowledges that someone has been witnessed. You don’t need to fix, interpret, or respond with your own story. Sometimes the most sacred thing you can offer is your presence.
ניחום אבלים Nichum aveilim — The tradition of comforting mourners. In Jewish practice, this means sitting with someone in their pain without trying to fix or rush them through it.
זיכרונם לברכה Zichronam livracha — “May their memory be a blessing.” Acknowledging the broader context of loss and conflict, while holding space for your loved one’s experience. Join with your Jewish community to say Birkat HaGomel, a traditional blessing after surviving danger or returning safely from a journey. Often recited in community during the Torah service, it offers a moment to express gratitude and receive communal support., express gratitude, and receive communal support.
When to Encourage Additional Support
Don’t wait for a crisis to offer care: If you notice persistent sleep issues, withdrawal from relationships, ongoing mood changes, or expressions of hopelessness that last longer than a few weeks, gently suggest additional resources.
Try: “I’ve noticed you seem to be having a hard time. Would it be helpful to talk to someone outside our circle?” or “I’m happy to help you find professional support if you’re open to it.” Your role is to care and notice, not to diagnose or fix. Sometimes just knowing that help is available, and that you support them seeking it, makes all the difference.
You’re not expected to do this perfectly. Your steady presence is enough. Being a safe place to land is one of the most powerful support you can offer.