A Time for Return: Returning to Each Other in the New Year
Each year, the beginning of a new academic year coinciding with a new Jewish year leaves us wondering — what can we learn from each new beginning to inspire reconnection, growth, and well-being for the year ahead? In this installment of our High Holiday series, “A Time for Return”, Amichai Levy, Springboard Fellow at the Hillel Council of New England, shares practical steps for students to repair and return to relationships with each other.
Read the first installment of a “Time for Return” from Rabbi Ben Berger, senior vice president of Jewish education, community, and culture at Hillel International.
College is a time of immense growth, but that growth doesn’t always come easily. As you head into a new school year, you’ll encounter new challenges and new people, and you will make mistakes. It’s a part of life. We sometimes hurt others without even meaning to, and the big question is always: What do we do when that happens?
The Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur offers a profound framework to help answer this question. It centers around the concept of teshuvah, a Hebrew word often translated as “repentance,” but more accurately meaning “to return.” In a world that often demands perfection, teshuvah reminds us that we all fall short, and that our path forward is not about being flawless but about turning toward our best selves and our relationships.
The Dangers of Absolutes
In our culture today, we often see extremes in how we handle conflict. On one hand, there’s a strong push to reject criticism. The idea is that as long as you’re not hurting anyone, you have the right to do whatever you want in the name of personal freedom.
But this can sometimes create an inability to turn inward to accept constructive feedback or see how our actions might unintentionally affect others.
On the other hand, sometimes people are condemned and ostracized for even minor faults or accusations, regardless of the full story. This can result in public humiliation and a sense of absolute finality, leaving no room for growth or forgiveness. It’s the exact opposite of the “live and let live” approach.
Both of these extremes miss a crucial point: our relationships are the fabric of our lives. Our actions don’t exist in a vacuum; they ripple out and impact the people around us. Teshuvah offers a meaningful alternative, an approach that is neither completely permissive nor totally unforgiving. It helps us accept that people are flawed and that mistakes happen, and it gives us a path to repair and rebuild.
The Power of Return
Yom Kippur is a day of deep self-reflection. It’s a call to take stock of our faults and the ways we’ve hurt others. The holiday liturgy describes a powerful idea: that our actions have the power to change our fate. It says that teshuvah, along with prayer and giving back, can “mitigate the severity of a decree.”
This isn’t about an abstract, all-powerful judge; rather, it’s about the transformative power of our own choices. As Rabbi Alan Lew, the former spiritual leader of Congregation Beth Sholom in San Francisco, writes, teshuvah is a reciprocal process. We have to take the first step, but we can’t do it alone. The possibility of transformation is always there, but we must choose to turn toward it. This journey isn’t always a straight line, but a process of returning again and again. Every step away is also a step toward home.
This is a powerful ethic for college students. You will inevitably say the wrong thing, forget to show up for a friend, or act selfishly. When you do, you don’t have to get stuck in shame or despair. Instead, you can lean into the idea of teshuvah. You can be honest about your shortcomings and try to make things right. You can offer a genuine apology and work to understand the other person’s perspective.
A Call to Action
So, what does this look like in practice? Here are a few ways to bring this idea of return into your new year:
- Set aside time for reflection. Even if it’s just 15 minutes, find a few quiet moments to think about your relationships. Have you hurt anyone? Have you neglected a friendship? Identify one area where you know you need to improve.
- Have that hard conversation. If you’ve been avoiding a difficult conversation with a friend or family member, make a plan to have it. Be honest, listen actively, and focus on repairing the relationship, not on who was right or wrong.
- Find an accountability partner. Talk to a trusted friend about the idea of teshuvah and your personal goals for the year. Check in with each other regularly to discuss your progress and offer support.
Your actions and words have immense power, and you have a responsibility to use that power for good. You owe it to yourself and to the people in your life to try to be better. By embracing the spirit of teshuvah, you can move away from judgment and toward a more nuanced understanding of mistakes, accountability, and the incredible, ongoing process of forgiveness.
May this new year be filled with meaningful connections and growth for you and for the communities you hold dear.
Amichai is the Springboard Ezra Jewish Education Fellow at Hillel Council of New England, which serves schools with small Jewish populations in the Boston area.