Finding New Meaning in Ancient Traditions
Kylie Miller, a fourth-year student at Roosevelt University, studying musical theater dance. A past president at Metro Chicago Hillel, Kylie is now a Hillel International Student cabinet member. In reflecting on the upcoming celebration of Yom Kippur, Kylie shared how her understanding of community and reflection has shifted throughout her Jewish journey.
When I was younger, I struggled with saying the vidui prayer, the core ritual of repentance and atonement on Yom Kippur. Though I understood the idea of atonement, I couldn’t wrap my head around why we all said the same thing out loud once a year. The whole idea of “sins” was challenging for me, and the ritual just felt inconsistent with the Judaism I knew.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve started exploring different translations of the vidui to better understand its place in our High Holiday traditions. What I found is that every single version is written in the plural. We stand (if we’re able), we strike our chests, and we recite this text in unison, starting every line with “we.” As a kid, I thought the vidui was all about “me,” and I didn’t like how that felt. But as an adult, I realized the prayer is about “we,” and that changed everything.
Finding My Communities
My main source of Jewish connection has always been community. It’s been a constant presence in my life, and even though the community I’m in now is different from those in my past, I carry the lessons of all my communities with me as I grow. My Jewish communities have included my childhood temple and our youth group, Jewish summer camp, the camp songleading community, and, most recently, Metro Chicago Hillel. One of the most important values I’ve taken from all of them is an emphasis on growth, both for ourselves and for society.
The values of tikkun olam (repairing the world) and b’tzelem Elohim (in the image of God) go hand in hand for me. I’ve always seen it this way: we believe every person is unique and valuable, and that’s why we’re willing to put in so much work to make our society – and the world – a better, more just place. As Jews, we consider each individual and our community as a whole in striving for justice.
Building Deeper Connections
You don’t have to search far to feel a call to build community or a sense of communal responsibility — just take a look at the vidui prayer. Every Yom Kippur, when we confess our failings as a community, I feel inspired to use that confession as a call to action. As a college student, it’s so easy to get caught up in classes and social plans, and to forget or let go of the feeling of being deeply connected to a Jewish community. The communal reminder of the vidui prayer helps us reprioritize the values of belonging and connection that are so core to our lives.
I feel incredibly lucky to be part of so many different communities. As a lesbian and a Zionist, finding the intersection between the queer, Zionist, and Jewish communities is one of the most gratifying things I get to experience. When I’m in prayer with people in that specific community, I feel so truly connected.
I find connection in my other communities as well. Nothing compares to the fulfillment of leading services in a space filled with campers and staff, guitar in hand. It’s one of the times I feel most attuned to my Jewish identity, and that connection makes all the difference.
Grateful for Hillel
Finding the right Jewish community can be a challenge for young people, including college students. One of the greatest gifts of my college experience is the opportunity to participate in a pluralistic space on campus that truly honors my craving for connection. My involvement with Hillel International more broadly has also allowed me to meet people from all over the world, expanding my community even further.
This Yom Kippur, I’m approaching the vidui from a completely new perspective, and I hope you’ll join me. I’m excited to stand with the people around me as we acknowledge our mistakes and use our shared energy to start the new year fresh. I’m also looking forward to conversations with others about the kind of space we want to foster in the upcoming year.
Shanah Tovah, and I am so grateful to have every single one of you in my greater community.