At Hillel, I didn’t have to pick and choose
“Hello, my name is Hadley Kalson, I use they/them pronouns, and I am the UVM Hillel student president.”
This is how I introduced myself for two years at the University of Vermont, where I served as the Hillel student president.
But it wasn’t always so simple. When I was in high school, my friends knew I was non-binary, but I was always too nervous to correct anyone when they misgendered me. I told myself college would be a new start, and I wanted to be more outwardly proud about my queer and non-binary identities. But after the first few days of class, I felt myself sliding back into old patterns — I did not feel comfortable sharing my true self with everyone I met, especially teachers.
Then, the second semester of my first year, I started going to Hillel. I decided to try again and shared my name, my queer identities, and what I was studying. And for the first time, I felt like my whole self was being heard by both students and the staff.
Hillel was one of the first places where I felt that everyone took all my identities seriously and made a true effort to understand my experience. It was also one of the first places where the adults I encountered introduced themselves with names AND pronouns. My friends and I loved how our executive director always had the same introduction: “My name is Matt Vogel, I use he and him pronouns, and I’m the executive director of UVM Hillel.” Matt made it clear that this introduction wasn’t forced and it wasn’t a chore — it was just normal.
Later in my first year, UVM Hillel handed out different Pride flags printed with Jewish stars. When I saw the non-binary flag with the Jewish star on it, I knew Hillel was going to be my home. I still have that flag and have hung it up in every dorm room and apartment I have lived in since.
For the next few years, Hillel was a place where my friends and I could be our fullest queer and Jewish selves, and I found opportunity after opportunity to be my full self in different Hillel spaces. One of my favorite queer Hillel events was “Queers and Schmears.” It was a simple bagel brunch specifically for queer Jews, yet it showed me how easy it could be to celebrate my Jewish and queer identities together.
In my second year on campus, I became the Hillel student president. I was now the most visible student leader in my Hillel, and would always welcome people to events, whether for a weekly Shabbat celebration or the High Holidays. And every time I introduced myself, I said, “Hello, my name is Hadley Kalson, I use they/them pronouns, and I am the UVM Hillel student president.” I had come full circle in my comfort and confidence in my identity, in large part thanks to Hillel.
Growing up, there were times I was worried about being open about my non-binary and queer identity and feared I was not going to be taken seriously. Then, in college, there were times when I was in queer spaces and did not feel comfortable expressing my Jewish Identity. At Hillel, I did not have to pick and choose.
Hillel gave me the chance to feel fully like myself for the first time in my life. I cannot express how grateful I am to have been Hadley Kalson, they/them pronouns, and the UVM Hillel student president.
Hadley Kalson is a recent graduate of the University of Vermont and an incoming Springboard Fellow at Hillel San Antonio.